The *very* dry humour in Alan Ritchson’s character v. Tom Cruise’s portrayal feels much more to source. Both lads have done a great job on the character, but I’m in favour of Ritchson’s.
I just finished watching all 8 episodes of Reacher. It’s a fine show, but I’m saddened by the fact that he takes off his clothes 5 times, by my count, but we don’t see him hang dong. Not even once!
Look, it’s not sexual. If you’re a reader of the books and you’re looking forward to seeing Jack Reacher hang dong on the silver screen, then you’re going to be disappointed, my friend. I’m sorry to spoil it, but fans of Jack Reacher need to know. There’s no dong! You’ll probably have to wait for season 2 or 3 for the first solid dong-hanging scene. In the third book, Reacher starts out as a strip club bouncer in Key West, Florida. He hangs dong on the second page, third paragraph. After the success of the dong-hanging scenes in the first books, Lee Child doesn’t waste any time giving his readers what they want: A 6-on-1 strip club fistfight with lots of bad guys getting broken arms and busted noses, followed by Jack Reacher hanging dong in a seedy hotel room.
Sure, it’s nice to have an actor who actually represents Reacher’s reach, unlike Tom Cruise. But Reacher’s height and weight and musculature are all minor quibbles in comparison to the real meat of the issue: When do we get to see Jack Reacher’s dong? Each book features at least 6 paragraphs describing Jack’s enormous dong. It even has a nickname (“The Jackhammer”). So I think it’s time for the world to finally see Lee Child’s award-winning vision of Jack Reacher’s Pringles can of a dong. It’s not sexual, it’s just being accurate and respectful to the books and giving the fans what they expect. You can’t just make a show about Jack Reacher without featuring dong. That’s illegal. The Jackhammer is canon. It’s literally a cannon between his legs. It’s part of the mythos. His dong is so big that, in the book Running Blind, a dude kicks Reacher in the dong and snaps his ankle. Bone shards are sticking out of the bad guy’s skin. It was described as “like kicking a tree trunk.”
Again, it’s not sexual, it’s just following the imagery of Lee Child. Most of the time, The Jackhammer isn’t even erect. It’s just dangling there, along for the ride. The Jackhammer is Reacher’s lone companion. It’s his best and only friend. It’s basically a pet, like a dog or a hamster. The Lone Ranger rode into town on his horse, Silver, and Jack Reacher has his huge hog to keep him company on the lonely roads.
Dong-hanging is an integral part of the character, so I’m frankly shocked that they were able to put out 2 movies and 8 episodes and feature a grand total of ZERO DONG. There’s not even a little bit of neck, right at the base, to give us a tasteful idea of girth. Reacher takes off his clothes and you can’t even see an outline of The Jackhammer. Not even a shadow. As far as I know, the Amazon version of Jack Reacher has the anatomy of a Ken doll, and that’s disappointing and sad. Not because it’s sexual, but because it’s a core element of the Jack Reacher’s personality. He has big dick energy, and it just seems disrespectful not to show us. After all, the first rule of writing is, “Show, don’t tell.”
The great Lee Child wrote 64 books about Jack Reacher and each one has a new and interesting description of the Jackhammer. In the appropriately-titled book, The Hard Way, there’s an entire subplot that winds through the storied history of Jack Reacher’s enormous dong, which is uncircumcised and features a distinctive vein on the top reminiscent of a king-size Snicker’s bar. Reacher got shot in the dong once, and the bullet just ricocheted off. Didn’t even leave a scar.
Amazon is a bookseller, so they’re making a huge mistake by pissing off Lee Child’s fans. Sooner or later, Jack Reacher is going to have to hang dong. The climax of one of the books takes place in a Russian bath house, where Reacher’s only weapon is the towel around his waist. I don’t even know how you could film that without 6 or 7 incidental dong shots. There’s even a bad guy who is described, shockingly, as having a larger dong than The Jackhammer. I don’t mean to spoil it, but Jack Reacher knocks the dude out by uppercutting him in the face with a half-chub Jackhammer, and I didn’t even know that was anatomically possible.
Women are watching this show to see the Jackhammer. Men are watching this to finally see the dong that we’ve pictured in our minds since 1996. Every detail of his dong has been lovingly described, so it’s a pity for that beautiful prose to be excluded from the TV series. Look, I understand Alan Ritchson might not want to hang dong, but at least bring in a stunt dong, or use fancy CGI dong physics.
Come on, show us the dong, Amazon. It’s not sexual, it’s just being true to the books and the fantastic vision of Lee Child.
Can’t wait. This was a great series. I think my wife and I watched the first season in like 4 days. This is what Reacher was supposed to look like anyway.
The *very* dry humour in Alan Ritchson’s character v. Tom Cruise’s portrayal feels much more to source. Both lads have done a great job on the character, but I’m in favour of Ritchson’s.
I dont get it, what’s funny about this?
Tape a small sign between the shoulder blades and turn this into a comedy
r/technicallythetruth
Ha ha… I see what they did there 😄
But can he scratch it?
Reacher’s back with Reacher’s back for back to back seasons of Reacher fighting back.
Surprised Alan hasn’t broke out into mainstream yet. He’s got all the qualities for Hollywood to capitalize on.
Nice. But for me it’s Thad’s back.
Did he get even more jacked than in the first season?
Yes it’s called an advert
*Dad lowers paper; squints*
“Seems legit.”
Look up amazonshitcarshow for the Grand Tour from a few years ago. They totally know what they’re doing
He also claims to be natural aka no roids or anything
That is indeed his back.
[Designer must be a fan of Lobo](https://schofieldcoinandhobby.com/cdn/shop/products/loboback1.jpg?v=1482956129)
Louis CK did this exact gag when his show Louie came back
I was elated to hear that Thad got such a big role. He’s done a great job so far, can’t wait for season 2.
r/technicallythetruth
[https://www.discogs.com/release/27071355-Bobby-Brown-Bobby](https://www.discogs.com/release/27071355-Bobby-Brown-Bobby)
Reacher ‘Round
S2?
Time to grab another free prime sub then
That guy needs to play He-Man.
Thad is that you
r/technicallythetruth
Loved the books and loved the show as well. Ritchson is spot on from the books.
It’s more of Reacher’s shoulders, thank his back.
I meed a back scratch for that
Love the show — Alan is excellent — and he’s, well, easy on the eyes
You should see the new NCIS: Sydney, the whole ad was upside down lmao
I just finished watching all 8 episodes of Reacher. It’s a fine show, but I’m saddened by the fact that he takes off his clothes 5 times, by my count, but we don’t see him hang dong. Not even once!
Look, it’s not sexual. If you’re a reader of the books and you’re looking forward to seeing Jack Reacher hang dong on the silver screen, then you’re going to be disappointed, my friend. I’m sorry to spoil it, but fans of Jack Reacher need to know. There’s no dong! You’ll probably have to wait for season 2 or 3 for the first solid dong-hanging scene. In the third book, Reacher starts out as a strip club bouncer in Key West, Florida. He hangs dong on the second page, third paragraph. After the success of the dong-hanging scenes in the first books, Lee Child doesn’t waste any time giving his readers what they want: A 6-on-1 strip club fistfight with lots of bad guys getting broken arms and busted noses, followed by Jack Reacher hanging dong in a seedy hotel room.
Sure, it’s nice to have an actor who actually represents Reacher’s reach, unlike Tom Cruise. But Reacher’s height and weight and musculature are all minor quibbles in comparison to the real meat of the issue: When do we get to see Jack Reacher’s dong? Each book features at least 6 paragraphs describing Jack’s enormous dong. It even has a nickname (“The Jackhammer”). So I think it’s time for the world to finally see Lee Child’s award-winning vision of Jack Reacher’s Pringles can of a dong. It’s not sexual, it’s just being accurate and respectful to the books and giving the fans what they expect. You can’t just make a show about Jack Reacher without featuring dong. That’s illegal. The Jackhammer is canon. It’s literally a cannon between his legs. It’s part of the mythos. His dong is so big that, in the book Running Blind, a dude kicks Reacher in the dong and snaps his ankle. Bone shards are sticking out of the bad guy’s skin. It was described as “like kicking a tree trunk.”
Again, it’s not sexual, it’s just following the imagery of Lee Child. Most of the time, The Jackhammer isn’t even erect. It’s just dangling there, along for the ride. The Jackhammer is Reacher’s lone companion. It’s his best and only friend. It’s basically a pet, like a dog or a hamster. The Lone Ranger rode into town on his horse, Silver, and Jack Reacher has his huge hog to keep him company on the lonely roads.
Dong-hanging is an integral part of the character, so I’m frankly shocked that they were able to put out 2 movies and 8 episodes and feature a grand total of ZERO DONG. There’s not even a little bit of neck, right at the base, to give us a tasteful idea of girth. Reacher takes off his clothes and you can’t even see an outline of The Jackhammer. Not even a shadow. As far as I know, the Amazon version of Jack Reacher has the anatomy of a Ken doll, and that’s disappointing and sad. Not because it’s sexual, but because it’s a core element of the Jack Reacher’s personality. He has big dick energy, and it just seems disrespectful not to show us. After all, the first rule of writing is, “Show, don’t tell.”
The great Lee Child wrote 64 books about Jack Reacher and each one has a new and interesting description of the Jackhammer. In the appropriately-titled book, The Hard Way, there’s an entire subplot that winds through the storied history of Jack Reacher’s enormous dong, which is uncircumcised and features a distinctive vein on the top reminiscent of a king-size Snicker’s bar. Reacher got shot in the dong once, and the bullet just ricocheted off. Didn’t even leave a scar.
Amazon is a bookseller, so they’re making a huge mistake by pissing off Lee Child’s fans. Sooner or later, Jack Reacher is going to have to hang dong. The climax of one of the books takes place in a Russian bath house, where Reacher’s only weapon is the towel around his waist. I don’t even know how you could film that without 6 or 7 incidental dong shots. There’s even a bad guy who is described, shockingly, as having a larger dong than The Jackhammer. I don’t mean to spoil it, but Jack Reacher knocks the dude out by uppercutting him in the face with a half-chub Jackhammer, and I didn’t even know that was anatomically possible.
Women are watching this show to see the Jackhammer. Men are watching this to finally see the dong that we’ve pictured in our minds since 1996. Every detail of his dong has been lovingly described, so it’s a pity for that beautiful prose to be excluded from the TV series. Look, I understand Alan Ritchson might not want to hang dong, but at least bring in a stunt dong, or use fancy CGI dong physics.
Come on, show us the dong, Amazon. It’s not sexual, it’s just being true to the books and the fantastic vision of Lee Child.
He will always be aquaman to me
I didn’t realize this was r/advertisements
Can’t wait. This was a great series. I think my wife and I watched the first season in like 4 days. This is what Reacher was supposed to look like anyway.
Put him a circle then they can title it “Reacher round”
Reach-around
And he probably can’t even scratch it…
I’d be more impressed if it was only 90% on purpose.
I heard he hangs dong
If you haven’t seen Alan Ritchsons episode of Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum you’re missing out. https://youtu.be/s_ePmDsZp8g?si=tWk0wNL8nin0Nrp7
is that THAD
Literally just an ad.
Reacher Round 2?
Reacher’s back? His arms are long enough to reach it himself.
When you’re about to give a Reacher Around
I sure do love me some literal humor
made you share it though
Its sad to see how humor has regressed so much.
He’s also around 😉