This hit close to home. Just finished reading “No Longer Human” by Osamu Dazai. The main character has so much trouble identifying with people that he adopts the persona of a buffoon so that people won’t see how he really is. He attempts suicide a number of times in the novella, and the author committed suicide a month after it was released.
As someone who struggles with depression while making everyone around them laugh, this really spoke to me. I’m not suicidal, but I can relate.
I’d love if someone in the mental health profession could talk to us about this. Are these just “spurts” of happiness? Does anything from the video stand out to you?
It’s like how drowning people don’t always look like they’re drowning. One minute they’re waving their hand at you out in the waves, and the next minute they’re gone.
Truth is, you really can’t tell what’s going on with other people. To quote Miller’s Crossing, “Nobody knows anybody. Not that well.” After the fact, sure, it sometimes seems so obvious. But we need to think we would see it, in part so we can delude ourselves that it won’t happen in our family or circle of friends. When it does happen to someone not in our circle, we like to think “I would have known,” “I would have bee there for them,” “I would have seen the signs.” It’s a comforting self-illusion.
I’m still getting over a very close friend committing suicide a little under two weeks ago.
I felt this video, because nobody expected it.
Those close to him, knew he had his demons and issues with depression, but none of us expected this.
He ended his life the Tuesday morning before last, but we were texting late Monday evening. Last thing he said, around 11pm Monday, less than twelve hours before ending his life, was “Can’t wait to see you in a few days, buddy!” And we had been joking around in texts for an hour or so before.
I keep looking back for signs (and I know it’s said that isn’t something you should do, and isn’t healthy, but I can’t help it).
He was out buying flowers and vegetables for his garden the week before. He was **excited** about how they would turn out this season. He was scheduling work to be done at his house. We were talking about the last two episodes of Kenobi. We were talking about part two of Stranger Things. We were talking about how he wanted to take his daughter on a vacation this fall.
How the fuck did I miss what he was planning to do?
Again, I know any therapist will tell you these are all unhealthy things to think about, but what the fuck….
I’ve recognized **multiple** friends and family members going through depression and trying to mask it. None of them were to the point of suicide though.
So how did I miss one of my absolute closest friends being at that point?
**EDIT:** I want to tell all of you who have reached out, how much I appreciate it. I am so grateful for the kindhearted and empathetic that still exist in today’s world.
I may not get the chance to respond to each of you invidually, but I can’t put into words how much it means for strangers to reach out to me in such personal ways.
My friends kid just took their own life. One of my other high school friends lived a few blocks away and could hear the screams from their house. So freaking sad. I met the kid a few times and he seemed pretty normal. One of my own tried one time too. Would never have thought. This video is powerful.
Honestly suicidal rarely looks suicidal. Most people still don’t understand how a depressed person thinks or acts. And the fact that external factors don’t have much to do with depression. (As in “he had no reason to kill himself, he had all this good stuff going on in his life”)
I like this outreach video. So tired of all the “Retweet to save a life with the 1-800 suicide hotline number” like you complexly pass the buck to the person suffering who won’t call that number for themselves. If you care why not try calling a friend or someone you think that might be isolated or has suffered from depression.
Speaking so many people are flakes when it comes to in-person social interaction. Then they just shit post on facebook all evening long instead after bailing.
Can first hand completely relate to this,
my best friend took his own life when we were both 19yo.
We lived in the same town, played basketball on the same team, went to the same school and spent time together everyday but i never saw it coming.
Used his fathers double barrel, it was very definite – not a cry for help.
I am 47 this summer, and not a day goes by where i do not at least think of him, and all the things we could have shared these last 28 years.
A coworker at the hospital where I worked was always smiling and cheerful. One day he was in the middle of mowing his lawn when he stopped, left the mower running, and went inside and killed himself. That seems especially disturbing to me.
Things like this just seem so demoralizing. Everything we’re being told now basically amounts to “You probably won’t know if someone is planning suicide, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.”
The thing most people don’t realize is many suicidal people are sensitive, philisophical people who feel strong emotions whether good or bad. They’ll be the liveliest person in the room when happy, they’ll be the class clown, they’ll find genuine beauty in little things of life. However that same level of emotion when feeling joy and excitement happens when they’re depressed or sad. This is an issue many bipolar people have(who are a large portion of suicide victims). When they get in a funk many of their friends erroneously believe they’re mad at them because they’re so used to them being carefree and joyous. They just feel strong emotions all around they feel the highest highs but the lowest lows. One small thing can break their resolve. Some may even get addicted to sadness because there’s a certain beauty and enlightenment that many find in feeling sad. There’s really no way for friends and family to know because from the outside they’re joyous people who love life, because they actually are joyous, it’s not an act. However there’s a duality to man where they feel the same level of sadness as well. Then their emotions often deceive them because they’ll feel happy and free when deciding to kill themselves becsuse they stop dwelling on the negative emotions. The cliche image of a brooding depressed person being suicidal is often not the case.
There’s really no way for loved ones to read the signs. The best thing you can do is recognize the people in your life that show strong levels of emotion and not just assume they’re happy and joyous all the time just because they are with you. Don’t just assume they’re happy but have an open heart to heart asking “how are you, truly?” But that’s really all you can do.
Man what timing. I lost my job today for calling in to many times from not having the motivation to get up. After years of keeping it to myself I decided it was time I let someone in and seek help from the only person I thought to go to. My mother. Turns out depression runs deep in my family. She’s as well as many others on her side of the family have been on antidepressants for many years now and I never even knew. She told me about her battle and we had a great heart to heart. It’s probably the closest I’ve ever felt to my mother since being a little kid. She even helped me set up an appointment with her doctor to be professionally evaluated.
I felt like I was at the end of my rope. I kept everything inside because I felt that no one would truly understand and that I would just be baggage to anyone who tried to help me. Reaching out was just a Hail Mary. I never expected anything to really come from it, but now am very grateful I did.
If you are feeling down, even just a bit, talk to someone. PLEASE! You do have people out there who care about you so don’t give up. It’s ok to lean on people for support. That’s what friends and family are for.
Many suicidal people spend all their energy trying to keep up appearances. To not be a downer. To not make other people uncomfortable or think badly of them. To not be stigmatized if they eventually snap out of it. Depression has to be one of the loneliest burdens to bear.
Before I was properly medicated, when I was suicidally depressed, one of the few things that could distract me from how terrible I felt was throwing myself whole heartedly into social situations with people I trusted.
The act of thinking up responses, keeping the conversation going, trying to make them laugh, and trying to avoid faux pas would consume my attention.
Then, when I was alone with my thoughts, my energy would drain and the crushing feelings of apathy and pointlessness would come surging back into place.
Im fucking tired of tossing signs around and everyone telling me to suck it up. I get like this every other week. I feel trapped and no one cares until its too late.
That’s the thing about depression or at least it has been for me. It’s not a steady state or a ever downward decline. It ebbs and flows like a tide. Except sometimes it goes out and stays out for a while, sometimes it comes in and stays in for a long while, sometimes it does both multiple times in a single day, sometimes it comes in like a tsunami. You can be aware of this fact and able to think about it logically but when you’re “in it” it makes you feel the way it does whether you’re aware of it or not, whether you want it to or not. Also sometimes you will say you’re ok or smile when you’re actually not because you get sick of bringing others down by saying you’re down all the time and also sick of that feeling being in your head so much you don’t want to think about it anymore either.
My best friend my cousin and another friend all took their lives in 2020. Losing them has created such an emptiness in the universe. It’s like a permanent blackness that darkens the world. My cousin had depression and unfortunately we kind of all saw it coming. It was the saddest funeral ever. My best friend though was a shock. He was the light in room. He radiated love for his fellow man. He was a constant light in my life and I thanked the universe for knowing him. His funeral was basically just a walk by as covid was strong at that point. As I waited in line to pay my respects I just couldn’t believe where I was. It was surreal. I tried to keep it together when I finally reached the coffin I looked down and the weight of the reality of seeing him dead hit me. I started to cry and then sob and my sobbing then became a wail. I couldn’t control my emotions and in front of hundreds of people I wailed loudly and screamed I’m sorry. His ex fiance had to pull me away. I miss you John 🙁
Not shaming but unfortunately 9/10 times people only show what these people needed after the fact. While they were alive they would’ve been stigmatized & isolated. Left to “pull themselves out” because people don’t want downers around which is reasonable but just don’t be surprised when those people act on their feelings then show love & sympathy after the fact. Show people you love them while they’re alive every single day. Sometimes just a small conversation can change someone’s whole day. We don’t have to make it our life’s mission to seek out those in pain or fix people, just try to recognize in your day to day life those around you that you care about
For me, suicidal thoughts are intrusive and very much unwanted. Outwardly all you’d see is me being super irritated at everything. Inside though, I feel like I’m fighting to continue existing.. and I’m losing. All there is to do is wait for my brain to swing through the trough. Usually takes about a month or so. In that time I know I can’t end it because people rely on me.
My teenage daughter recently almost became a statistic.
We had a big argument, my daughter, her mother (my girlfriend) and I. It went off the rails. Turned into a screaming match. We all said things to each other we regretted. A lot of slow-pressure build up over a long period, venting off. A couple hours later, I go into my daughter’s room to try and talk to her, but she’s sleeping. I tip-toe out of the room. Another hour goes by, and my gf asks me if I know where the painkillers are, they’re not in the usual place. We both start looking, and there was this moment where we both just froze and looked at each other. We knew. We went back into her room and woke her, and asked her about the painkillers, and we could just tell from her reaction that she knew something. So we pressed the subject, even though she was screaming at us to get out. We explained about the extremely unpleasant death process from a paracetamol overdose, and eventually, after about an hour of talking, she admitted it, and showed us the 25 empty blister-packs. We called emergency services, and she was admitted to hospital, given blood tests, forced to drink charcoal, and was administered acetylcysteine over the following 24 hours. We wouldn’t know for hours if there would be any permanent damage to her organs. Luckily, all tests came back showing everything was normal.
If my gf hadn’t totally atypically had to take painkillers for a shoulder injury, we would never have noticed. And that would have been it. Our daughter would have slept through the night, and never woken up. Or woken up in intense pain, and there would have been nothing anyone could do to save her.
We nearly lost our daughter that day. She didn’t seem suicidal, either. But her reaction when we confronted her… This wasn’t to gain attention. She meant it. She had every intention of ending her life that day. And there were zero signs. No indication that we could see.
It haunts me. Every hour of every day. I have anxiety when I know she’ll be home alone for any period of time.
My uncle was the most laughy, smily and caring person in the world. He worked so hard to help his kids succeed. He was tough on them and sometimes seemed cold. But they knew, without a doubt that he loved them. His wife loved him more than I can put into words and he knew that.
On the day he took his life, he started a fight with his wife on purpose. He knew that when she got really mad, she would leave and go to the gym to cool off.
He used that to give himself and opportunity. She’s the one that found him.
I remember sitting on the front steps of his house, with all the paramedics and coroners walking around, sitting next to my dad crying, harder than I’ve ever seen, about his brother.
Looking back, I was definitely in shock, I found it hard to cry. I just felt dizzy and wanted to take a nap.
We all miss him and every time his birthday comes around we try to spend it together. There was a quote I heard and I don’t remember who said it, but I think about it often for the people who have gone from my life.
“Now I have to remember you for longer than I’ve known you.”
I think about that very often and just miss the hell outta them.
My dear online friend who I never met IRL but knew online for over 15 years sent me a video one day. The video started with a sentence he wrote saying, “I know you’re feeling down, stixy. I hope this video cheers you up!” and then he danced for three minutes to “Stronger” by Clean Bandit. Laughing and having so much fun trying to make me happy.
About a week later I logged onto FB and all over his page was “RIP, Andy!!” I messaged some of his friends, people I had never spoken to. I found out he was at a party. He went outside to the backyard and hung himself from a tree. It guts me to think about. Someone connected me with his mom. I shared the video with her, and she told me having that video meant the world to her.
I fucking abhor depression. It takes too many amazing people.
https://www.thecalmzone.net/thelastphoto
This hit close to home. Just finished reading “No Longer Human” by Osamu Dazai. The main character has so much trouble identifying with people that he adopts the persona of a buffoon so that people won’t see how he really is. He attempts suicide a number of times in the novella, and the author committed suicide a month after it was released.
As someone who struggles with depression while making everyone around them laugh, this really spoke to me. I’m not suicidal, but I can relate.
I’d love if someone in the mental health profession could talk to us about this. Are these just “spurts” of happiness? Does anything from the video stand out to you?
How bizarre. I was talking in the Southbank, London, today and these pictures were up of ‘The Last Photo’. Effective campaign.
It’s like how drowning people don’t always look like they’re drowning. One minute they’re waving their hand at you out in the waves, and the next minute they’re gone.
Truth is, you really can’t tell what’s going on with other people. To quote Miller’s Crossing, “Nobody knows anybody. Not that well.” After the fact, sure, it sometimes seems so obvious. But we need to think we would see it, in part so we can delude ourselves that it won’t happen in our family or circle of friends. When it does happen to someone not in our circle, we like to think “I would have known,” “I would have bee there for them,” “I would have seen the signs.” It’s a comforting self-illusion.
I’m still getting over a very close friend committing suicide a little under two weeks ago.
I felt this video, because nobody expected it.
Those close to him, knew he had his demons and issues with depression, but none of us expected this.
He ended his life the Tuesday morning before last, but we were texting late Monday evening. Last thing he said, around 11pm Monday, less than twelve hours before ending his life, was “Can’t wait to see you in a few days, buddy!” And we had been joking around in texts for an hour or so before.
I keep looking back for signs (and I know it’s said that isn’t something you should do, and isn’t healthy, but I can’t help it).
He was out buying flowers and vegetables for his garden the week before. He was **excited** about how they would turn out this season. He was scheduling work to be done at his house. We were talking about the last two episodes of Kenobi. We were talking about part two of Stranger Things. We were talking about how he wanted to take his daughter on a vacation this fall.
How the fuck did I miss what he was planning to do?
Again, I know any therapist will tell you these are all unhealthy things to think about, but what the fuck….
I’ve recognized **multiple** friends and family members going through depression and trying to mask it. None of them were to the point of suicide though.
So how did I miss one of my absolute closest friends being at that point?
**EDIT:** I want to tell all of you who have reached out, how much I appreciate it. I am so grateful for the kindhearted and empathetic that still exist in today’s world.
I may not get the chance to respond to each of you invidually, but I can’t put into words how much it means for strangers to reach out to me in such personal ways.
My friends kid just took their own life. One of my other high school friends lived a few blocks away and could hear the screams from their house. So freaking sad. I met the kid a few times and he seemed pretty normal. One of my own tried one time too. Would never have thought. This video is powerful.
Honestly suicidal rarely looks suicidal. Most people still don’t understand how a depressed person thinks or acts. And the fact that external factors don’t have much to do with depression. (As in “he had no reason to kill himself, he had all this good stuff going on in his life”)
I like this outreach video. So tired of all the “Retweet to save a life with the 1-800 suicide hotline number” like you complexly pass the buck to the person suffering who won’t call that number for themselves. If you care why not try calling a friend or someone you think that might be isolated or has suffered from depression.
Speaking so many people are flakes when it comes to in-person social interaction. Then they just shit post on facebook all evening long instead after bailing.
Can first hand completely relate to this,
my best friend took his own life when we were both 19yo.
We lived in the same town, played basketball on the same team, went to the same school and spent time together everyday but i never saw it coming.
Used his fathers double barrel, it was very definite – not a cry for help.
I am 47 this summer, and not a day goes by where i do not at least think of him, and all the things we could have shared these last 28 years.
A coworker at the hospital where I worked was always smiling and cheerful. One day he was in the middle of mowing his lawn when he stopped, left the mower running, and went inside and killed himself. That seems especially disturbing to me.
Things like this just seem so demoralizing. Everything we’re being told now basically amounts to “You probably won’t know if someone is planning suicide, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.”
The thing most people don’t realize is many suicidal people are sensitive, philisophical people who feel strong emotions whether good or bad. They’ll be the liveliest person in the room when happy, they’ll be the class clown, they’ll find genuine beauty in little things of life. However that same level of emotion when feeling joy and excitement happens when they’re depressed or sad. This is an issue many bipolar people have(who are a large portion of suicide victims). When they get in a funk many of their friends erroneously believe they’re mad at them because they’re so used to them being carefree and joyous. They just feel strong emotions all around they feel the highest highs but the lowest lows. One small thing can break their resolve. Some may even get addicted to sadness because there’s a certain beauty and enlightenment that many find in feeling sad. There’s really no way for friends and family to know because from the outside they’re joyous people who love life, because they actually are joyous, it’s not an act. However there’s a duality to man where they feel the same level of sadness as well. Then their emotions often deceive them because they’ll feel happy and free when deciding to kill themselves becsuse they stop dwelling on the negative emotions. The cliche image of a brooding depressed person being suicidal is often not the case.
There’s really no way for loved ones to read the signs. The best thing you can do is recognize the people in your life that show strong levels of emotion and not just assume they’re happy and joyous all the time just because they are with you. Don’t just assume they’re happy but have an open heart to heart asking “how are you, truly?” But that’s really all you can do.
Man what timing. I lost my job today for calling in to many times from not having the motivation to get up. After years of keeping it to myself I decided it was time I let someone in and seek help from the only person I thought to go to. My mother. Turns out depression runs deep in my family. She’s as well as many others on her side of the family have been on antidepressants for many years now and I never even knew. She told me about her battle and we had a great heart to heart. It’s probably the closest I’ve ever felt to my mother since being a little kid. She even helped me set up an appointment with her doctor to be professionally evaluated.
I felt like I was at the end of my rope. I kept everything inside because I felt that no one would truly understand and that I would just be baggage to anyone who tried to help me. Reaching out was just a Hail Mary. I never expected anything to really come from it, but now am very grateful I did.
If you are feeling down, even just a bit, talk to someone. PLEASE! You do have people out there who care about you so don’t give up. It’s ok to lean on people for support. That’s what friends and family are for.
Many suicidal people spend all their energy trying to keep up appearances. To not be a downer. To not make other people uncomfortable or think badly of them. To not be stigmatized if they eventually snap out of it. Depression has to be one of the loneliest burdens to bear.
I am not depressed, I am just so tired.
Before I was properly medicated, when I was suicidally depressed, one of the few things that could distract me from how terrible I felt was throwing myself whole heartedly into social situations with people I trusted.
The act of thinking up responses, keeping the conversation going, trying to make them laugh, and trying to avoid faux pas would consume my attention.
Then, when I was alone with my thoughts, my energy would drain and the crushing feelings of apathy and pointlessness would come surging back into place.
Im fucking tired of tossing signs around and everyone telling me to suck it up. I get like this every other week. I feel trapped and no one cares until its too late.
That’s the thing about depression or at least it has been for me. It’s not a steady state or a ever downward decline. It ebbs and flows like a tide. Except sometimes it goes out and stays out for a while, sometimes it comes in and stays in for a long while, sometimes it does both multiple times in a single day, sometimes it comes in like a tsunami. You can be aware of this fact and able to think about it logically but when you’re “in it” it makes you feel the way it does whether you’re aware of it or not, whether you want it to or not. Also sometimes you will say you’re ok or smile when you’re actually not because you get sick of bringing others down by saying you’re down all the time and also sick of that feeling being in your head so much you don’t want to think about it anymore either.
My best friend my cousin and another friend all took their lives in 2020. Losing them has created such an emptiness in the universe. It’s like a permanent blackness that darkens the world. My cousin had depression and unfortunately we kind of all saw it coming. It was the saddest funeral ever. My best friend though was a shock. He was the light in room. He radiated love for his fellow man. He was a constant light in my life and I thanked the universe for knowing him. His funeral was basically just a walk by as covid was strong at that point. As I waited in line to pay my respects I just couldn’t believe where I was. It was surreal. I tried to keep it together when I finally reached the coffin I looked down and the weight of the reality of seeing him dead hit me. I started to cry and then sob and my sobbing then became a wail. I couldn’t control my emotions and in front of hundreds of people I wailed loudly and screamed I’m sorry. His ex fiance had to pull me away. I miss you John 🙁
I lost my Dad to suicide last year. I’m never going to be okay with what happened, and that’s okay. I just miss him so much.
Not shaming but unfortunately 9/10 times people only show what these people needed after the fact. While they were alive they would’ve been stigmatized & isolated. Left to “pull themselves out” because people don’t want downers around which is reasonable but just don’t be surprised when those people act on their feelings then show love & sympathy after the fact. Show people you love them while they’re alive every single day. Sometimes just a small conversation can change someone’s whole day. We don’t have to make it our life’s mission to seek out those in pain or fix people, just try to recognize in your day to day life those around you that you care about
For me, suicidal thoughts are intrusive and very much unwanted. Outwardly all you’d see is me being super irritated at everything. Inside though, I feel like I’m fighting to continue existing.. and I’m losing. All there is to do is wait for my brain to swing through the trough. Usually takes about a month or so. In that time I know I can’t end it because people rely on me.
My teenage daughter recently almost became a statistic.
We had a big argument, my daughter, her mother (my girlfriend) and I. It went off the rails. Turned into a screaming match. We all said things to each other we regretted. A lot of slow-pressure build up over a long period, venting off. A couple hours later, I go into my daughter’s room to try and talk to her, but she’s sleeping. I tip-toe out of the room. Another hour goes by, and my gf asks me if I know where the painkillers are, they’re not in the usual place. We both start looking, and there was this moment where we both just froze and looked at each other. We knew. We went back into her room and woke her, and asked her about the painkillers, and we could just tell from her reaction that she knew something. So we pressed the subject, even though she was screaming at us to get out. We explained about the extremely unpleasant death process from a paracetamol overdose, and eventually, after about an hour of talking, she admitted it, and showed us the 25 empty blister-packs. We called emergency services, and she was admitted to hospital, given blood tests, forced to drink charcoal, and was administered acetylcysteine over the following 24 hours. We wouldn’t know for hours if there would be any permanent damage to her organs. Luckily, all tests came back showing everything was normal.
If my gf hadn’t totally atypically had to take painkillers for a shoulder injury, we would never have noticed. And that would have been it. Our daughter would have slept through the night, and never woken up. Or woken up in intense pain, and there would have been nothing anyone could do to save her.
We nearly lost our daughter that day. She didn’t seem suicidal, either. But her reaction when we confronted her… This wasn’t to gain attention. She meant it. She had every intention of ending her life that day. And there were zero signs. No indication that we could see.
It haunts me. Every hour of every day. I have anxiety when I know she’ll be home alone for any period of time.
I don’t know what I would do if she were gone.
My sister didn’t look suicidal. She looked confident, outgoing, outspoken and happy.
She called me two days before and we talked for an hour. It was a normal conversation. She called our brother the day before, same thing.
Then she was gone.
July 8 will be 16 years. I miss her so much
My uncle was the most laughy, smily and caring person in the world. He worked so hard to help his kids succeed. He was tough on them and sometimes seemed cold. But they knew, without a doubt that he loved them. His wife loved him more than I can put into words and he knew that.
On the day he took his life, he started a fight with his wife on purpose. He knew that when she got really mad, she would leave and go to the gym to cool off.
He used that to give himself and opportunity. She’s the one that found him.
I remember sitting on the front steps of his house, with all the paramedics and coroners walking around, sitting next to my dad crying, harder than I’ve ever seen, about his brother.
Looking back, I was definitely in shock, I found it hard to cry. I just felt dizzy and wanted to take a nap.
We all miss him and every time his birthday comes around we try to spend it together. There was a quote I heard and I don’t remember who said it, but I think about it often for the people who have gone from my life.
“Now I have to remember you for longer than I’ve known you.”
I think about that very often and just miss the hell outta them.
My dear online friend who I never met IRL but knew online for over 15 years sent me a video one day. The video started with a sentence he wrote saying, “I know you’re feeling down, stixy. I hope this video cheers you up!” and then he danced for three minutes to “Stronger” by Clean Bandit. Laughing and having so much fun trying to make me happy.
About a week later I logged onto FB and all over his page was “RIP, Andy!!” I messaged some of his friends, people I had never spoken to. I found out he was at a party. He went outside to the backyard and hung himself from a tree. It guts me to think about. Someone connected me with his mom. I shared the video with her, and she told me having that video meant the world to her.
I fucking abhor depression. It takes too many amazing people.