I pick up the ball and pass it to the middle manager who smacks me across the face before the big boss speeds off the moped with such force it crashes me to the ground leaving me penniless and unable to walk due to my broken tailbone.
(If you’ve read this far, please no Chumbawumba jokes right now. I am having a crushing day and it’s just a name Reddit assigned me upon joining).
Totally unrealistic. There’s no way in hell he would’ve bent down to pick that up on his own. Or help move anything. He would’ve stayed on the bike and made them move it with him on it, then pick up the ball and hand it to him
Innovation man you love to see it. Top mgmt challenged the rule set to make the act of reaching the target much more efficient. Really inspirational stuff.
However, as we now need more people trained in moving scooters we are going to have to let the middle manager go. But we will be adding two new positions at level with the junior employee, on minimum wage who will be assigned to scooter mobility assistance.
Actually we’ve just had an injury claim from one of the minimum wage mobility scooter assistants. Luckily they were on temporary contracts through a labour hire company. So we’ve had to end their contract because we won’t be able to afford the insurance. The junior employee is now responsible for everything middle management was doing and the scooter mobility assistants.
Thankfully, we have had an independent consultant come in to review our processes and culture. They have recommended that we don’t need the scooter anymore at all and that a hockey stick would be better at gathering the ball.
As such we’ve sold the scooter, which has led to huge windfall gain to the company for which the Top Mgmt will be paid massive bonuses. The new hockey sticks will be progressively rolled out in the new year. Until then the junior employees responsibilities and remuneration will remain unchanged. Because of the current market situation we can’t afford any cost of living or inflation adjustments.
By the way in light of the aforementioned economic conditions and knowing that we have the new hockey sticks coming through in the new year, we have opted to sell all of our cricket bats to generate extra cash flow. After the bonus payouts to top mgmt and the economic conditions we were very close to breaching our loan covenants with our financiers so drastic action was required.
As luck would also have it the independent consultants have finished phase two of their review. Going forwards we will be implementing their recommendations of reorganising our workforce to rebuild capacity.
Our new structure will be to create a new role reporting to the CEO who will be responsible for the management of an outsource provider. The outsource provider will be picking up tennis balls remotely from overseas. With the Junior employee to oversee this activity performed by the outsource agency o ensure it’s completed effectively.
Finally the new role will be filled by a contract employee on secondment from the consulting company with extensive experience managing outsourced providers. The junior employee will also need to reapply for their position. Due to the reduced responsibilities required for the role given the outsourcing their role’s remuneration will be reduced.
The new structure means that the hockey sticks upgrade is no longer required therefore a substantial procurement saving has been realised and top mgmt have qualified for an additional performance incentive bonus.
The junior employee has resigned due to overwork, but luckily a consultant that worked on the original phase one review from the consulting agency has been provided on contract to fill the role in the interim.
lol, it depicts management doing actual work
Sounds about right
brilliant
SNL worthy
This is straight out of The 3 Stooges.
I am always the junior manager.
I pick up the ball and pass it to the middle manager who smacks me across the face before the big boss speeds off the moped with such force it crashes me to the ground leaving me penniless and unable to walk due to my broken tailbone.
(If you’ve read this far, please no Chumbawumba jokes right now. I am having a crushing day and it’s just a name Reddit assigned me upon joining).
If you reach the target, next month it’s 10% further away.
Nah, this ain’t real. Junior employee didn’t get slapped by middle management second time around.
it just kept getting better
Aditya and Costello.
Why is this so accurate lol
That’s so real it hurts.
A brilliant little illustration of modern management.
Psml
Every fiber company in Florida to a T
What is Emma doing there?
[deleted]
I need to show my coworkers this
I like how they fucked up the grass a little while moving the bike.
Forgot the part when the top guy gets a huge bonus and an award for single-handedly achieving the goal.
lol，Three stooges
Someone deserves a bonus this year!
This is my current department, except we keep adding more people to the scooter with each person repainting the ball and having to wait for it dry.
I so wish to be at that mgt position!! It will be fun😄
Totally unrealistic. There’s no way in hell he would’ve bent down to pick that up on his own. Or help move anything. He would’ve stayed on the bike and made them move it with him on it, then pick up the ball and hand it to him
Innovation man you love to see it. Top mgmt challenged the rule set to make the act of reaching the target much more efficient. Really inspirational stuff.
However, as we now need more people trained in moving scooters we are going to have to let the middle manager go. But we will be adding two new positions at level with the junior employee, on minimum wage who will be assigned to scooter mobility assistance.
Actually we’ve just had an injury claim from one of the minimum wage mobility scooter assistants. Luckily they were on temporary contracts through a labour hire company. So we’ve had to end their contract because we won’t be able to afford the insurance. The junior employee is now responsible for everything middle management was doing and the scooter mobility assistants.
Thankfully, we have had an independent consultant come in to review our processes and culture. They have recommended that we don’t need the scooter anymore at all and that a hockey stick would be better at gathering the ball.
As such we’ve sold the scooter, which has led to huge windfall gain to the company for which the Top Mgmt will be paid massive bonuses. The new hockey sticks will be progressively rolled out in the new year. Until then the junior employees responsibilities and remuneration will remain unchanged. Because of the current market situation we can’t afford any cost of living or inflation adjustments.
By the way in light of the aforementioned economic conditions and knowing that we have the new hockey sticks coming through in the new year, we have opted to sell all of our cricket bats to generate extra cash flow. After the bonus payouts to top mgmt and the economic conditions we were very close to breaching our loan covenants with our financiers so drastic action was required.
As luck would also have it the independent consultants have finished phase two of their review. Going forwards we will be implementing their recommendations of reorganising our workforce to rebuild capacity.
Our new structure will be to create a new role reporting to the CEO who will be responsible for the management of an outsource provider. The outsource provider will be picking up tennis balls remotely from overseas. With the Junior employee to oversee this activity performed by the outsource agency o ensure it’s completed effectively.
Finally the new role will be filled by a contract employee on secondment from the consulting company with extensive experience managing outsourced providers. The junior employee will also need to reapply for their position. Due to the reduced responsibilities required for the role given the outsourcing their role’s remuneration will be reduced.
The new structure means that the hockey sticks upgrade is no longer required therefore a substantial procurement saving has been realised and top mgmt have qualified for an additional performance incentive bonus.
The junior employee has resigned due to overwork, but luckily a consultant that worked on the original phase one review from the consulting agency has been provided on contract to fill the role in the interim.
#corporate #consulting
Im showing my boss a gif tomorrow that explains how we all feel, consider this stolen
Nah everyone is working together this is definitely inaccurate
That was funnier (and more accurate) than it should have been