Wednesday, January 8All That Matters

A big wall of text appeared and I did the obvious and paused. Now I regret it.

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A big wall of text appeared and I did the obvious and paused. Now I regret it.

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View Reddit by ssaerghnmView Source

5 Comments

  • Here’s the entire crawl…

    “People’s Choice Award” is America’s greatest honor

    Styrofoam is not made from kittens

    The U.F.O. was a paper plate

    The nerds on the internet are not geeks

    The word “cheese” is not funny in and of itself

    The older Flanders boy is Todd, not Rod

    Lyndon B. Johnson did not provide the voice of Yosemite Sam

    If you are reading this you have no life

    Roy Rogers was not buried inside his horse

    The other U.F.O. was an upside-down salad spinner

    Our universities are not “hotbeds” of anything

    Mr. Dershowitz did not literally have four eyes

    Our viewers are not pathetic, sexless food tubes

    Audrey Hepburn never weighed 400 pounds

    The “Cheers” gang is not a real gang

    Salt water does not “chase the thirsties away”

    Licking an electrical outlet will not turn you into a Mighty Morphin Power Ranger

    Cats do not eventually turn into dogs

    Bullets do not bounce off of fat guys

    Recycling does not deplete the ozone

    Everything is 10% fruit juice

    The flesh eating virus does not hide in ice cream

    Janet Reno is evil

    V8 juice is not 1/8 gasoline

    Ted Koppel is a robot

    Women aren’t from Venus and men aren’t from Mars

    Fleiss does floss

    Quayle is familiar with common bathroom procedures

    Bart is bad to the bone

    Godfrey Jones’ wife is cheating on him

    The Beatles haven’t reunited to enter kick boxing competitions

    The “Bug” on your TV screen can see into your home

    Everyone on TV is better than you

    The people who are writing this have no life

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